[Castiel, of course, feels much the same way as Jo -- and has told Sam basically the same thing. And it's a little overwhelming, really, though Sam knows it's dumb to feel that way -- family is family. Right?
Except, right now, family is the entire problem. He feels violated, betrayed, and nauseated by the future. Dean wrenched away the most precious ability Sam has -- his ability of choice, the very thing they fight so hard for, and without that source of stability -- without Dean helping him through this -- Sam has suddenly had to learn how to rely on himself.
It's humiliating, to realize he has no idea how to do that anymore, but he's not necessarily alone. Not as alone as he is back home, in his world, with Jo dead and Castiel not allowed in the bunker. Here he has a shot at normalcy.]
... I guess I'm not used to the...
[Support? Sam doesn't want to say that, but he trails off, a little uncertain by how to finish it.]
[ when sam trails off, jo goes a little quiet. she's not sure exactly what he's trying to say with it - that he's not used to what? the support? but that confuses her more than it answers anything, because as an outsider all she sees is dean and sam. together, there for each other, always. there had been a time where she had wondered what that would have been like, having someone there constantly like that, and the closest she could get was her own mother.
which, ninety nine percent of the time, she'd been in a fight with.
but she doesn't poke at it. doesn't make sam explain because she doesn't even know if she wants an explanation. so instead she tries to just keep moving, giving a shirt laugh into the bracelet device. ]
[It is true -- Sam and Dean, Dean and Sam, inseparable from birth. And that's why this betrayal is so devastating -- and why Sam has no idea how to live by himself anymore. But he needs to do this, for himself, and by himself. He's just grateful his family and friends can understand that.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-24 06:06 am (UTC)Except, right now, family is the entire problem. He feels violated, betrayed, and nauseated by the future. Dean wrenched away the most precious ability Sam has -- his ability of choice, the very thing they fight so hard for, and without that source of stability -- without Dean helping him through this -- Sam has suddenly had to learn how to rely on himself.
It's humiliating, to realize he has no idea how to do that anymore, but he's not necessarily alone. Not as alone as he is back home, in his world, with Jo dead and Castiel not allowed in the bunker. Here he has a shot at normalcy.]
... I guess I'm not used to the...
[Support? Sam doesn't want to say that, but he trails off, a little uncertain by how to finish it.]
-- thanks. That's all.
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-24 08:43 pm (UTC)which, ninety nine percent of the time, she'd been in a fight with.
but she doesn't poke at it. doesn't make sam explain because she doesn't even know if she wants an explanation. so instead she tries to just keep moving, giving a shirt laugh into the bracelet device. ]
Well, get used to it. Okay?
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-02-01 05:10 am (UTC)Got it.