[ it's just not fair. not fair at all, that dean can do this and get away with it and make her feel like shit because of it. make her feel like it's her fault, when it's not. logically speaking, not telling dean was the right thing to do. she knows that, but at the same time...
no. no he won't change her mind with this. he won't. jo narrows her eyes at him at the question, because the hypocracy almost makes her laugh. almost makes her even more angry than she already is. does he hear himself, when he speaks? does he realize the things that he's saying? ]
I don't know Dean, is there anything else you don't know about?
[ and okay, that was pretty unfair too. she knows he's got his own issues with cas, and his future, and the whole secrets bit isn't the best way to gain his trust. but she's sick of him treating her like she's going to break. like the minute he turns his back the ship is going to come after her, break her open again and leave her bleeding out at his feet.
the image is more than she needs, and it echoes in that part of her she's been running from since she woke up here, but it's true. dean is treating her like some kind of glass reflection, like if he lets her do more than just look the part she'll never come back. and while she might know why, she also doesn't. doesn't know why he cares so much, why he's putting in all this effort, why he's getting so mad. it's one thing when he makes a promise to her mother, but her mother is dead. like she should be.
i'm not losing you again, i fucking refuse to.
those words ring in her head a second longer than they probably should, and for a moment she hesitates - almost lets herself believe something different before reminding herself that this is just dean. ]
No? Then why do you care so much? Why do you want to? [ because she has her own reasons. she knows why she'd jump back into that rat-infested genetics lab, why she'd follow him into the ship. she knows why she went after that hellhound and why she devised the bomb. she knows, but what she doesn't understand is his reasoning.
and she watches him for the answer, because she won't back down on this. won't let dean just shrug this off and walk out. if she had to grab him too, she will, because she has to know the answer. ]
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ax » action
Date: 2013-05-06 09:49 pm (UTC)no. no he won't change her mind with this. he won't. jo narrows her eyes at him at the question, because the hypocracy almost makes her laugh. almost makes her even more angry than she already is. does he hear himself, when he speaks? does he realize the things that he's saying? ]
I don't know Dean, is there anything else you don't know about?
[ and okay, that was pretty unfair too. she knows he's got his own issues with cas, and his future, and the whole secrets bit isn't the best way to gain his trust. but she's sick of him treating her like she's going to break. like the minute he turns his back the ship is going to come after her, break her open again and leave her bleeding out at his feet.
the image is more than she needs, and it echoes in that part of her she's been running from since she woke up here, but it's true. dean is treating her like some kind of glass reflection, like if he lets her do more than just look the part she'll never come back. and while she might know why, she also doesn't. doesn't know why he cares so much, why he's putting in all this effort, why he's getting so mad. it's one thing when he makes a promise to her mother, but her mother is dead. like she should be.
i'm not losing you again, i fucking refuse to.
those words ring in her head a second longer than they probably should, and for a moment she hesitates - almost lets herself believe something different before reminding herself that this is just dean. ]
No? Then why do you care so much? Why do you want to? [ because she has her own reasons. she knows why she'd jump back into that rat-infested genetics lab, why she'd follow him into the ship. she knows why she went after that hellhound and why she devised the bomb. she knows, but what she doesn't understand is his reasoning.
and she watches him for the answer, because she won't back down on this. won't let dean just shrug this off and walk out. if she had to grab him too, she will, because she has to know the answer. ]