[ there it is again. i could have helped. dean huffs, looks at her like she doesn't quite get it. ]
How? I was a vampire, Jo, there is no helping vamps, not without offering an arm or something, and I didn't wanna do that.
[ he'd thought he could starve himself to the point of not being able to function. little had he suspected that, in his haze of hunger, he was going to let himself go, free and insane in the hallway. ]
I asked Sam to take care of it, but he couldn't. I asked Tyke, she didn't either. So then what? What else was I supposed to do?
[ it's not blame in his voice really, but frustration does seep through. it's not exactly fair, is it, but to have tried so hard to keep it to himself, to then finally ask for the one deed they all knew could end it, only for it all to blow up in his face? he hates himself for it, but he also hates that the solid rules set by hunters had been ignored the moment he'd asked sam to cut his head off. ]
There is. We could have kept you locked up, like they do with werewolves. Blood bags, whatever, until we got the cure. Benny figured it out, didn't he?
[ that look is what sets her off a little, then. that what are you thinking? sort of thing that has her wanting to punch him and break his nose again. she's not new at this, she wants to scream. she could have figured something out.
but before that much formulates in her head, she stops. has to stop, because she's not sure she heard him right. ]
Tyke? [ her voice is a little smaller, just nearly cracks at the sound of her name. because sam, sam jo could understand. sam was dean's brother, the only family he really had left besides bobby. their relationship was as complicated as it was strong and going to sam made sense. what didn't make sense was tyke, and jo has to let that settle in for another moment before she can speak again. ]
You told Tyke, trusted Tyke, over me?
[ because that's what it all comes down to, isn't it? dean didn't trust jo to know he was a vampire. didn't trust her to protect herself from him, to fix the situation, to handle the situation in any way. she wasn't even worth talking to. asking for help. saying anything at all beyond the empathy link. beyond her almost letting herself get killed.
dean would rather trust tyke than her, and that said it all.
in the span of just those few seconds, jo's face goes from shock, to hurt, to stone once again. because what else is she supposed to do? chase after the winchester boys and think she can make a difference? help them at all? she tried that back home. tried to be an asset rather than a burden and look where that got her. and she's apparently not any better off here, either. the lines of her jaw harden at the thought, in an attempt to hold it all in until she can shove him out and away and get rid of him.
[ of all the reactions, that's the one dean least expected. sam, tyke, spike... there were multiple people he'd ended up telling, if only because of delirious hunger or having no other option. no one had been chose, really, he hadn't told anyone because he'd wanted to. but he'd run out of options, had thought that maybe he was finally doing the right thing.
with jo...
all he remembers is how good she'd smelled, how when she'd reached for him, when he'd felt her hand on him, the rush of blood, all sense had gone out the door. and dean simply reacted, gone for it. with the rest, he'd managed to remain in control somewhat... though sam had almost ended up a snack as well. ]
What? Seriously--
[ no, no, no, this isn't going right. dean blinks at her like he can't understand where she's coming from, ignores how she wants to dismiss their conversation suddenly. ]
Jo, what the hell? I told her because she found me, and I was tired of running-- I'd already tried to eat you, Sam, too-- I told her because I had no other option. [ it hadn't really been about trust, or that's not how dean sees it. ]
Maybe I should've done the same with you, but-- you don't get it, when I was a vampire, just being around you was-- [ but he bites the words back there, angry and bitter at having to even talk about this. ]
[ his reaction honestly makes her more angry, each blink making that anger burn just a little hotter. what was he so confused about? there wasn't a whole lot to understand. he told tyke because tyke was the better person to handle it. didn't matter that jo was a hunter, knew him, didn't matter that apparently she was wrong to think anything between them was more than just two people watching each other's back. or in this case, not even.
didn't matter what had happened, last time they were in this room. ]
You did have another option! You always have another option. I was right fucking here and you never- [ god, no, this needed to stop. this needed to stop because that slowly building pressure in her chest and in her head can't lead to anywhere good.
but at that same time, she can't stop. because dean's right there and trying to explain himself without actually saying anything and it's not helping. not helping even more so because it's tyke. ]
Being around me was what, Dean? Hard? Annoying? Why? Because I'm not Tyke?
[ this would probably be a bad time to mention some of the awkward things dean has learned about tyke and his other-self, huh? yeah, gonna just keep a lid on those.
but either way, the anger building in her is clear as sunlight, has dean wanting to both turn right the fuck around and leave, and shake some sense into her. how this has anything to do with tyke, beyond him mentioning her, is out of dean's grasp as far as logic goes, but it's clearly setting her off and.... and dean has no idea what to do.
except when she mentions how being around her must have been hard and annoying because she wasn't tyke.
what the fuck. ]
That has nothing to do with her, Jo, not a single goddamn freakin' thing. [ he feels like he barely knows her now, barely knows taylor or whatever the fuck her name is. and at the same time he knows her too well, intimately and in a manner he'd never really wanted to. but none of that had anything to do with jo or how he'd felt around her as a vampire, how he still feels around her, only without the bloodlust. ]
You wouldn't get it, not when you're bein' like this. [ he's not about to explain how she'd made him feel, how entirely powerless he'd been in her presence. ]
[ yes, dean, this would be a very bad time to mention any of that. and you know what? every time would probably be a bad time.
then again, it's not like she could do much more in the ways of anger and hurt. ]
You sure about that? Seems awfully coincidental that she's always the one involved.
[ she needs to throw something, to shatter something, to give some kind of outward release for all that hot air and anger that is still building and building and building. she looks at dean and he looks confused and of course he confused. he probably had no idea he was even doing it. but that doesn't change the fact that he did. ]
When I'm like what? When I'm pissed that one of the only people on this fucking ship I trust doesn't trust me back? When I'm angry that you don't think I could handle you being a vampire? [ her voice might start to shake a little, there, but she tries to raise her voice to make up for it. ] What wouldn't I get? Or better yet- what else wouldn't I get?
[ dean just makes a put off sound, like he can't believe her one bit right now. ]
Always the one involved? Since when? [ dean likes to think he's always kept tyke at an arm's length, if only because he couldn't read her one bit. while he now knows why she's always been there, it doesn't change that he doesn't remember her, he isn't the same dean she'd.... gotten freaky with. maybe there's more mutual understanding now, but he's not choosing her over jo, never has and never will.
and yet. ]
Could you have? Handled me being a vampire? 'Cause you looked ready to slice my head off when I came around for the whole memory mash thing. And hey, I don't blame you if you couldn't have, but let's just be real here. [ jo is strong, but hunters don't get along with vampires. hunters don't get it on with vampires. ]
Shit. You know what? Forget 'bout it. I don't know why talkin' to you about this was a good idea.
[ maybe her hunter mentality is just too strong. or maybe that seems like a convenient excuse to escape this situation with. ]
[ there is an actual moment there where jo considers punching him, just for that sound. it's very telling when it comes to her state of anger that she would punch him. but also not. jo wanting to punch dean is not a new concept. ]
Forget it. It doesn't matter.
[ more like jo has nothing else to say about that, because really, she doesn't. she's grasping at straws and she just wants there to be somewhere her anger can go. and when dean starts questioning her? that's a perfect place. ]
I could have, if you had given me the chance. If you'd given me a warning rather than just trying to slam me through the wall. And seeing how that was the last I saw you? Finding you waiting outside my door? How would you have reacted? If you had just called me-
[ she would have made an exception for dean. she would have, but at the same time, she didn't. hadn't. and when dean tries to end the conversation there, she panics. ]
No, you don't get to just stop there. What wouldn't I get?
[ come on, jo, he dares you to throw one at him. ]
Called you? You would've just freakin' hung up on me or better yet never even answered. [ because he knows you, jo, he really does. and maybe it's because that's what dean would have done himself, or something, but he has little doubt that she would have listened to a word he would have had to say about meeting up and holding hands after what he'd tried to do to her.
and yet...
maybe he does regret not telling her. maybe she would have answered, would have spoken to him. he can't know now though, won't know and this is easier. turning away is easier. ]
I do and I will. End of conversation.
[ lalalala going right out the door!! and he doesn't look like he's much in the mood to stop once in the hallway either. ]
If you called me right when you noticed, right at the beginning of the jump, I wouldn't have. [ if he knew her, he would have known that without the scare, without the fact she saw her life flash right before her eyes at his hand, she would have done anything to help him. he was all the family she had left - he and sam. she would have done anything.
but he didn't. and it made her out to be the reckless one, and after that one interaction, every time she thought about him it was with that hanging over her head. the image of his fangs, the fact he had looked at her like that. he'd terrified her, and the last thing she ever wanted to feel was fear. it was only logical for her to stay away from him.
but this? where she had honestly - and she doesn't know why, this is dean winchester we're talking about - thought this would fix things. somehow.
she was wrong. ]
No, Dean- [ but he's gone, turned and out the door, and before she even knows what she's doing she's lunged after him, her hands on the door-frame as he walks off down the hall. jo's desperate at this point, and it's that feeling that leaves her feeling worse than before.
she doesn't want him to leave, not like this. ] Dean! You walk away from this and you're going to wish you hadn't.
[ he hates to admit it, but it's true. he'd hauled ass to get out of the place after the jump, had made sera cry and and almost flipped out on scott. nothing had gone well and calling anyone hadn't been his first priority, not with how the hunger had roared in him right off the bat.
but no, he's done, he's not doing this anymore.
he doesn't care for her warning, doesn't give a shit in this moment of anger. he knows she'll be right but he'll deal with that later, when he's had time to put his thoughts together, when shit starts to make sense again ( if ever will ). he should stop, needs to remember that anything can happen in this place, either one of them could die, could disappear, but he doesn't.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ax » action
Date: 2013-11-22 12:04 am (UTC)How? I was a vampire, Jo, there is no helping vamps, not without offering an arm or something, and I didn't wanna do that.
[ he'd thought he could starve himself to the point of not being able to function. little had he suspected that, in his haze of hunger, he was going to let himself go, free and insane in the hallway. ]
I asked Sam to take care of it, but he couldn't. I asked Tyke, she didn't either. So then what? What else was I supposed to do?
[ it's not blame in his voice really, but frustration does seep through. it's not exactly fair, is it, but to have tried so hard to keep it to himself, to then finally ask for the one deed they all knew could end it, only for it all to blow up in his face? he hates himself for it, but he also hates that the solid rules set by hunters had been ignored the moment he'd asked sam to cut his head off. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-11-22 12:20 am (UTC)[ that look is what sets her off a little, then. that what are you thinking? sort of thing that has her wanting to punch him and break his nose again. she's not new at this, she wants to scream. she could have figured something out.
but before that much formulates in her head, she stops. has to stop, because she's not sure she heard him right. ]
Tyke? [ her voice is a little smaller, just nearly cracks at the sound of her name. because sam, sam jo could understand. sam was dean's brother, the only family he really had left besides bobby. their relationship was as complicated as it was strong and going to sam made sense. what didn't make sense was tyke, and jo has to let that settle in for another moment before she can speak again. ]
You told Tyke, trusted Tyke, over me?
[ because that's what it all comes down to, isn't it? dean didn't trust jo to know he was a vampire. didn't trust her to protect herself from him, to fix the situation, to handle the situation in any way. she wasn't even worth talking to. asking for help. saying anything at all beyond the empathy link. beyond her almost letting herself get killed.
dean would rather trust tyke than her, and that said it all.
in the span of just those few seconds, jo's face goes from shock, to hurt, to stone once again. because what else is she supposed to do? chase after the winchester boys and think she can make a difference? help them at all? she tried that back home. tried to be an asset rather than a burden and look where that got her. and she's apparently not any better off here, either. the lines of her jaw harden at the thought, in an attempt to hold it all in until she can shove him out and away and get rid of him.
god she wished wichita were here. ]
Fine. Whatever. Are we done?
ax » action
Date: 2013-11-22 02:43 am (UTC)with jo...
all he remembers is how good she'd smelled, how when she'd reached for him, when he'd felt her hand on him, the rush of blood, all sense had gone out the door. and dean simply reacted, gone for it. with the rest, he'd managed to remain in control somewhat... though sam had almost ended up a snack as well. ]
What? Seriously--
[ no, no, no, this isn't going right. dean blinks at her like he can't understand where she's coming from, ignores how she wants to dismiss their conversation suddenly. ]
Jo, what the hell? I told her because she found me, and I was tired of running-- I'd already tried to eat you, Sam, too-- I told her because I had no other option. [ it hadn't really been about trust, or that's not how dean sees it. ]
Maybe I should've done the same with you, but-- you don't get it, when I was a vampire, just being around you was-- [ but he bites the words back there, angry and bitter at having to even talk about this. ]
It wasn't easy, alright?
ax » action
Date: 2013-11-25 12:51 am (UTC)didn't matter what had happened, last time they were in this room. ]
You did have another option! You always have another option. I was right fucking here and you never- [ god, no, this needed to stop. this needed to stop because that slowly building pressure in her chest and in her head can't lead to anywhere good.
but at that same time, she can't stop. because dean's right there and trying to explain himself without actually saying anything and it's not helping. not helping even more so because it's tyke. ]
Being around me was what, Dean? Hard? Annoying? Why? Because I'm not Tyke?
ax » action
Date: 2013-11-25 10:36 pm (UTC)but either way, the anger building in her is clear as sunlight, has dean wanting to both turn right the fuck around and leave, and shake some sense into her. how this has anything to do with tyke, beyond him mentioning her, is out of dean's grasp as far as logic goes, but it's clearly setting her off and.... and dean has no idea what to do.
except when she mentions how being around her must have been hard and annoying because she wasn't tyke.
what the fuck. ]
That has nothing to do with her, Jo, not a single goddamn freakin' thing. [ he feels like he barely knows her now, barely knows taylor or whatever the fuck her name is. and at the same time he knows her too well, intimately and in a manner he'd never really wanted to. but none of that had anything to do with jo or how he'd felt around her as a vampire, how he still feels around her, only without the bloodlust. ]
You wouldn't get it, not when you're bein' like this. [ he's not about to explain how she'd made him feel, how entirely powerless he'd been in her presence. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-11-30 01:29 am (UTC)then again, it's not like she could do much more in the ways of anger and hurt. ]
You sure about that? Seems awfully coincidental that she's always the one involved.
[ she needs to throw something, to shatter something, to give some kind of outward release for all that hot air and anger that is still building and building and building. she looks at dean and he looks confused and of course he confused. he probably had no idea he was even doing it. but that doesn't change the fact that he did. ]
When I'm like what? When I'm pissed that one of the only people on this fucking ship I trust doesn't trust me back? When I'm angry that you don't think I could handle you being a vampire? [ her voice might start to shake a little, there, but she tries to raise her voice to make up for it. ] What wouldn't I get? Or better yet- what else wouldn't I get?
ax » action
Date: 2013-12-01 07:31 am (UTC)Always the one involved? Since when? [ dean likes to think he's always kept tyke at an arm's length, if only because he couldn't read her one bit. while he now knows why she's always been there, it doesn't change that he doesn't remember her, he isn't the same dean she'd.... gotten freaky with. maybe there's more mutual understanding now, but he's not choosing her over jo, never has and never will.
and yet. ]
Could you have? Handled me being a vampire? 'Cause you looked ready to slice my head off when I came around for the whole memory mash thing. And hey, I don't blame you if you couldn't have, but let's just be real here. [ jo is strong, but hunters don't get along with vampires. hunters don't get it on with vampires. ]
Shit. You know what? Forget 'bout it. I don't know why talkin' to you about this was a good idea.
[ maybe her hunter mentality is just too strong. or maybe that seems like a convenient excuse to escape this situation with. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-12-01 07:52 am (UTC)Forget it. It doesn't matter.
[ more like jo has nothing else to say about that, because really, she doesn't. she's grasping at straws and she just wants there to be somewhere her anger can go. and when dean starts questioning her? that's a perfect place. ]
I could have, if you had given me the chance. If you'd given me a warning rather than just trying to slam me through the wall. And seeing how that was the last I saw you? Finding you waiting outside my door? How would you have reacted? If you had just called me-
[ she would have made an exception for dean. she would have, but at the same time, she didn't. hadn't. and when dean tries to end the conversation there, she panics. ]
No, you don't get to just stop there. What wouldn't I get?
ax » action
Date: 2013-12-01 08:03 am (UTC)Called you? You would've just freakin' hung up on me or better yet never even answered. [ because he knows you, jo, he really does. and maybe it's because that's what dean would have done himself, or something, but he has little doubt that she would have listened to a word he would have had to say about meeting up and holding hands after what he'd tried to do to her.
and yet...
maybe he does regret not telling her. maybe she would have answered, would have spoken to him. he can't know now though, won't know and this is easier. turning away is easier. ]
I do and I will. End of conversation.
[ lalalala going right out the door!! and he doesn't look like he's much in the mood to stop once in the hallway either. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-12-01 04:38 pm (UTC)If you called me right when you noticed, right at the beginning of the jump, I wouldn't have. [ if he knew her, he would have known that without the scare, without the fact she saw her life flash right before her eyes at his hand, she would have done anything to help him. he was all the family she had left - he and sam. she would have done anything.
but he didn't. and it made her out to be the reckless one, and after that one interaction, every time she thought about him it was with that hanging over her head. the image of his fangs, the fact he had looked at her like that. he'd terrified her, and the last thing she ever wanted to feel was fear. it was only logical for her to stay away from him.
but this? where she had honestly - and she doesn't know why, this is dean winchester we're talking about - thought this would fix things. somehow.
she was wrong. ]
No, Dean- [ but he's gone, turned and out the door, and before she even knows what she's doing she's lunged after him, her hands on the door-frame as he walks off down the hall. jo's desperate at this point, and it's that feeling that leaves her feeling worse than before.
she doesn't want him to leave, not like this. ] Dean! You walk away from this and you're going to wish you hadn't.
ax » action
Date: 2013-12-01 11:04 pm (UTC)[ he hates to admit it, but it's true. he'd hauled ass to get out of the place after the jump, had made sera cry and and almost flipped out on scott. nothing had gone well and calling anyone hadn't been his first priority, not with how the hunger had roared in him right off the bat.
but no, he's done, he's not doing this anymore.
he doesn't care for her warning, doesn't give a shit in this moment of anger. he knows she'll be right but he'll deal with that later, when he's had time to put his thoughts together, when shit starts to make sense again ( if ever will ). he should stop, needs to remember that anything can happen in this place, either one of them could die, could disappear, but he doesn't.
can't.
so he just leaves. ]