[ she'd be lying if she said she was surprised. with sam moving out to the library, with how tense things were between sam and dean, with everything going on, but that doesn't make it any easier to see.
for good. he's moving out for good and while her hands tighten into fists for a moment, she tells herself to calm down. little flair of panic or no, this is what sam wants to do, what he needs to do.
and when all else fails he knows where to find her. ]
Yeah? At least you didn't decide to live in the Library permanently. [ her tone is joking, at least somewhat. ] Need help packing?
[ she's smiling a little, mostly out of habit. he can't see her anyway. ]
I don't care where you live. It's your life, you can do whatever you want. [ is that what he wants to hear? she has no idea. just another moment in the jo harvelle grasping at straws. ] I just hope you realize this doesn't mean you're off the hook.
[ it almost sounds like she's trying to talk over him, despite how she isn't. how she waits for him to finish before speaking up. part of it comes from the fact she still doesn't feel like she really helped anything - sam is still moving away, dean still won't talk about it - and another part comes from her just...not understanding why she should be thanked. ]
I'm not in the middle of anything, and even if I was it'd be because I wanted to. You don't have to thank me for worrying about you, or for wanting to help, or for anything else.
[Castiel, of course, feels much the same way as Jo -- and has told Sam basically the same thing. And it's a little overwhelming, really, though Sam knows it's dumb to feel that way -- family is family. Right?
Except, right now, family is the entire problem. He feels violated, betrayed, and nauseated by the future. Dean wrenched away the most precious ability Sam has -- his ability of choice, the very thing they fight so hard for, and without that source of stability -- without Dean helping him through this -- Sam has suddenly had to learn how to rely on himself.
It's humiliating, to realize he has no idea how to do that anymore, but he's not necessarily alone. Not as alone as he is back home, in his world, with Jo dead and Castiel not allowed in the bunker. Here he has a shot at normalcy.]
... I guess I'm not used to the...
[Support? Sam doesn't want to say that, but he trails off, a little uncertain by how to finish it.]
[ when sam trails off, jo goes a little quiet. she's not sure exactly what he's trying to say with it - that he's not used to what? the support? but that confuses her more than it answers anything, because as an outsider all she sees is dean and sam. together, there for each other, always. there had been a time where she had wondered what that would have been like, having someone there constantly like that, and the closest she could get was her own mother.
which, ninety nine percent of the time, she'd been in a fight with.
but she doesn't poke at it. doesn't make sam explain because she doesn't even know if she wants an explanation. so instead she tries to just keep moving, giving a shirt laugh into the bracelet device. ]
[It is true -- Sam and Dean, Dean and Sam, inseparable from birth. And that's why this betrayal is so devastating -- and why Sam has no idea how to live by himself anymore. But he needs to do this, for himself, and by himself. He's just grateful his family and friends can understand that.]
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[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 12:47 am (UTC)[It's quiet, because he knows Jo is going to be upset with him, but it's what's best for him. And that's what Sam needs to focus on now.]
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 01:05 am (UTC)for good. he's moving out for good and while her hands tighten into fists for a moment, she tells herself to calm down. little flair of panic or no, this is what sam wants to do, what he needs to do.
and when all else fails he knows where to find her. ]
Yeah? At least you didn't decide to live in the Library permanently. [ her tone is joking, at least somewhat. ] Need help packing?
[ odin isn't that far. ]
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 01:21 am (UTC)[He pauses.]
... I need to prove to myself that I can do this. It's nothing -- it's not you, or even Dean, it's just something I need to do, for myself.
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 01:29 am (UTC)[ she's smiling a little, mostly out of habit. he can't see her anyway. ]
I don't care where you live. It's your life, you can do whatever you want. [ is that what he wants to hear? she has no idea. just another moment in the jo harvelle grasping at straws. ] I just hope you realize this doesn't mean you're off the hook.
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 01:46 am (UTC)[With a faint laugh, appreciative.]
-- Thank you.
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 02:10 am (UTC)[ but the laugh makes her feel a little better. it's not like she hasn't been worrying about him for a while now or anything. ]
You don't need to thank me, Sam. You just get to check in, now. [ happy tone happy tone. ]
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 02:35 am (UTC)[It's a bit insistent, but his tone is suitably lighter than it has been in a few days.]
I know it's hard, with Dean and I just -- it's been hard, and it's not fair to put you in the middle. So -- thank you.
[For letting him be angry and giving him his space when he needs it.]
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-23 03:30 am (UTC)[ it almost sounds like she's trying to talk over him, despite how she isn't. how she waits for him to finish before speaking up. part of it comes from the fact she still doesn't feel like she really helped anything - sam is still moving away, dean still won't talk about it - and another part comes from her just...not understanding why she should be thanked. ]
I'm not in the middle of anything, and even if I was it'd be because I wanted to. You don't have to thank me for worrying about you, or for wanting to help, or for anything else.
[ that's what family does. ]
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-24 06:06 am (UTC)Except, right now, family is the entire problem. He feels violated, betrayed, and nauseated by the future. Dean wrenched away the most precious ability Sam has -- his ability of choice, the very thing they fight so hard for, and without that source of stability -- without Dean helping him through this -- Sam has suddenly had to learn how to rely on himself.
It's humiliating, to realize he has no idea how to do that anymore, but he's not necessarily alone. Not as alone as he is back home, in his world, with Jo dead and Castiel not allowed in the bunker. Here he has a shot at normalcy.]
... I guess I'm not used to the...
[Support? Sam doesn't want to say that, but he trails off, a little uncertain by how to finish it.]
-- thanks. That's all.
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-01-24 08:43 pm (UTC)which, ninety nine percent of the time, she'd been in a fight with.
but she doesn't poke at it. doesn't make sam explain because she doesn't even know if she wants an explanation. so instead she tries to just keep moving, giving a shirt laugh into the bracelet device. ]
Well, get used to it. Okay?
[Voice] [Asgard]
Date: 2014-02-01 05:10 am (UTC)Got it.