I'll tell you when I see you. [ And now he's getting up because it's kind of a little creepy down there without anyone around. ] The, uh, medbay. By the lifts? I dunno. Take your pick.
[ He doesn't reply, grateful for that bit of silence, and when he meets her there, sees her, there's a bit of a smile. Relieved, almost happy until he remembers he'd hurt her too. Bells tries to be normal. He tries so hard. ]
[ she basically runs out of the lifts, expecting the worst. She expects the worse because she doesn't know what to expect and suddenly he's there and smiling at her and she looks around, still worried. ]
Are you okay? [ because you sounded horrible on the video ]
I look okay, don't I? [ It's not true though. He hasn't slept much, if at all, and it shows in his eyes, the way he rubs at the back of his neck like he's full of nervous energy. ] I don't have anyone else, Jo.
[ She's not going to bullshit you on this one, Bells. Sorry. ]
It's fine, I'm glad you called. [ really though, she is. She's known enough people who don't call, who won't, before it's too late. ] You said you hurt someone?
Yeah. Yeah, I-- [ He swallows and leans back against the wall. They're just going to have this conversation right here. ] Remember when you and Dean went looking for Sam? The person I was looking for, uh. Kurt. He's my boyfriend. I guess. I don't know if that still applies anymore. I told him to go away. I didn't wanna hurt him. I wouldn't...
I'm not like that. But I couldn't stop. [ Rambling, and he clearly looks like he's going to be sick. ]
[ Jo waits, watches him and listens as he explains, her face dropping into a frown when he mentions looking for Sam. When he brings up Kurt.
Her eyes darken a bit when she puts the pieces together. ]
What'd you do? [ specifically. She's still sporting the bruises he gave her, but they're hiding under her jumpsuit sleeves. But her imagination spirals down, and she waits to hear it from him. For sure. ]
[ He almost says "nothing", but that's a lie. Even if it's not as terrible as some of the things he could have done, it's still awful. Bells takes a breath, moving forward so he's in her personal space. He likes to touch, be close. Carefully, he slides his fingers around those bruised arms as he talks. ]
He found me in the kitchen. I wasn't thinking. I, uh. I grabbed him, and I hurt him. Like this. [ He feels the tears but doesn't actually have the energy for it now. ] I hate making him cry. And now he's left me too.
[ she doesn't step back when he moves into her personal space, and she doesn't break eye contact with him. doesn't stop the expectant look, waiting for answers. he moves close and his fingers move around her arms and she doesn't flinch but she does feel the sensitive skin of the bruises. steels herself over from reacting to them.
but her look softens when she sees the way he talks about it, waiting to see if he'll cry before relaxing her shoulders. ] If you reacted to him the same way you did with me, you probably just scared him. [ she doesn't know Kurt, doesn't know his feelings, what he's really thinking, but if he knows Bells well enough to have been dating him...well. he should have been able to recognize something was off. ]
[ He looks at her like she's said the most outrageous thing, biting at his lip and dropping his hands so he's not touching her anymore. Bells is still close to her though, able to read her eyes and the way her mouth moves as she speaks; it's then he wants to say something else, something he's sure there's no room for here. It's testament to how he's changed since showing up--how much more he has to grow. ]
He's not like you, Jo. You've seen hellhounds. You know about Hell. I don't have to explain to you what it's like down there because you know, and you're not all that surprised about angels either. What they, uh. What we can do. [ He takes a breath, trying to make her understand. ] Kurt hasn't lived that kinda life, okay? Maybe it did scare him, I dunno. But it's not that easy.
I give him time, and he's just gonna slip away from me.
[ she realizes half a second too late that she must have said something wrong, but instead of trying to backpedal, she just shakes her head. ]
I'm going to be perfectly honest with you here - but that's a load of bullshit. Doesn't matter what kind of world he's come from, he's here and he's going to see that. He should know. If he doesn't get it, you should explain it to him. [ Jo sighs a little, shakes her head. ] Nothing's ever that easy, but that doesn't make it any less worth trying.
But not now. [ that much is clear, even to her. ] You're not...you're not in a good place to be explaining anything.
[ He's built up some sort of grand speech that's not rambling or fumbling with words when she says all that, and it immediately slips his mind, shoulders slouching and head down. ]
Maybe, maybe not. I'm trying to deal with this. It's so fucking hard, and I'm not saying that like I need your pity or something. It's just what it is. 'Cause angels aren't supposed to have their feelings or their own thoughts. That's a human benefit. [ And now he's frustrated with himself. With her. With this stupid ship and stupid space, and god, at least Hell was easier to understand. ] You know what I used to do in Hell? When I couldn't handle it?
[ He points at her. ] Drugs. No, uh. That's not really specific enough. Souls. Stuff with souls that made everything better, made this shit okay.
[ it's not said in an accusatory way, she's just curious. She just wants to know. Because it's obvious he's feeling, he's just not very good at it, which - granted - most people Jo knew were all pretty bad at it. But he had extreme circumstances.
But then she stops, her brow furrowing slowly in confusion. ] What the hell does that mean?
[ He simply ignores the first question because. Well, he really doesn't have any idea either. After he Fell, the world threw itself at him in brighter colors, and no one had bothered giving him an instruction manual on How to Human. ]
What do you think it means? All those left over pieces get bottled up and sold off. I still-- [ He cuts himself off, suddenly reminded that there's some on the ship. Somewhere in Kurt's room. ] It makes it easy. It made me forget. It was a simple answer, Jo.
When you say they're left over, though. Are they still people?
[ she sees the though there, but doesn't know what it's about. Crosses her arms over her chest and just stares at him. ]
It was an easy way out, you mean. [ because that's how she feels about drugs - cheap, easy ways out. And maybe it's a little hypocritical of her, but she doesn't like them. Won't ever like them, not really. But she won't judge the people who do. Not unless she needs to. ]
Look, Bells, let's head back to the main part of the ship. This place gives me the creeps.
[ He shrugs. It's more complicated than easy, but he isn't going to try explaining that. How he'd woken in so much pain with drugs practically shoved at him, how he'd still be so damn naive because Hell is no where near as accommodating at Heaven in the ways he'd been used to. ]
Where are we gonna go? [ Since he doesn't have anywhere to go. ]
[ when he doesn't answer her question, Jo thinks about repeating it, forcing him to tell her. are you shooting up people like heroin, bells but she doesn't bring it up, not yet. she's not sure if she wants to know when she's trying to be here for him. ]
I don't know. Bar, my room. Hell we can go and sit in the gardens if you want, somewhere.
Don't think I should go to the bar. [ He doesn't want to drink. Booze makes him think of Lor, and he really, really doesn't want to think about him when he's trying to sort out what's going on with Kurt. ] Could I, uh, stay with you for a while?
[ Even as he talks, he's walking to get on the lifts. ]
[ Jo's got work, but she can deal with that after she has Bells settled. Wherever- oh. Well then problem solved. ]
Sure. [ and Jo's right there with him, walking back and pressing the button for the lifts. ] You can stay however long you want. I've got work, though, so the room might be empty but yeah.
You can't sleep there. [ Because he feels like he has to point it out. But he also doesn't want to spend so much time being alone. Bells looks down at the floor. ] I mean, I guess you could. But it'd be nice to see you later.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ax | video;
Date: 2013-04-11 04:02 pm (UTC)[ not that it really matters, she just needs to check in on the person when she's taken care of bells. that's it.
and oh thank god there's the lifts. ]
Is there somewhere open you can go so I can find you?
ax | video;
Date: 2013-04-11 04:04 pm (UTC)ax | video;
Date: 2013-04-11 04:15 pm (UTC)[ she's almost there, anyway. hurry up lifts hurry up ]
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 04:28 pm (UTC)Hey...
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 05:45 pm (UTC)Are you okay? [ because you sounded horrible on the video ]
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 06:12 pm (UTC)ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 06:18 pm (UTC)[ She's not going to bullshit you on this one, Bells. Sorry. ]
It's fine, I'm glad you called. [ really though, she is. She's known enough people who don't call, who won't, before it's too late. ] You said you hurt someone?
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 06:41 pm (UTC)I'm not like that. But I couldn't stop. [ Rambling, and he clearly looks like he's going to be sick. ]
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 06:54 pm (UTC)Her eyes darken a bit when she puts the pieces together. ]
What'd you do? [ specifically. She's still sporting the bruises he gave her, but they're hiding under her jumpsuit sleeves. But her imagination spirals down, and she waits to hear it from him. For sure. ]
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 07:30 pm (UTC)He found me in the kitchen. I wasn't thinking. I, uh. I grabbed him, and I hurt him. Like this. [ He feels the tears but doesn't actually have the energy for it now. ] I hate making him cry. And now he's left me too.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 10:08 pm (UTC)but her look softens when she sees the way he talks about it, waiting to see if he'll cry before relaxing her shoulders. ] If you reacted to him the same way you did with me, you probably just scared him. [ she doesn't know Kurt, doesn't know his feelings, what he's really thinking, but if he knows Bells well enough to have been dating him...well. he should have been able to recognize something was off. ]
He probably just needs time.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 10:58 pm (UTC)He's not like you, Jo. You've seen hellhounds. You know about Hell. I don't have to explain to you what it's like down there because you know, and you're not all that surprised about angels either. What they, uh. What we can do. [ He takes a breath, trying to make her understand. ] Kurt hasn't lived that kinda life, okay? Maybe it did scare him, I dunno. But it's not that easy.
I give him time, and he's just gonna slip away from me.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 11:25 pm (UTC)I'm going to be perfectly honest with you here - but that's a load of bullshit. Doesn't matter what kind of world he's come from, he's here and he's going to see that. He should know. If he doesn't get it, you should explain it to him. [ Jo sighs a little, shakes her head. ] Nothing's ever that easy, but that doesn't make it any less worth trying.
But not now. [ that much is clear, even to her. ] You're not...you're not in a good place to be explaining anything.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-11 11:36 pm (UTC)Maybe, maybe not. I'm trying to deal with this. It's so fucking hard, and I'm not saying that like I need your pity or something. It's just what it is. 'Cause angels aren't supposed to have their feelings or their own thoughts. That's a human benefit. [ And now he's frustrated with himself. With her. With this stupid ship and stupid space, and god, at least Hell was easier to understand. ] You know what I used to do in Hell? When I couldn't handle it?
[ He points at her. ] Drugs. No, uh. That's not really specific enough. Souls. Stuff with souls that made everything better, made this shit okay.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-12 12:14 am (UTC)[ it's not said in an accusatory way, she's just curious. She just wants to know. Because it's obvious he's feeling, he's just not very good at it, which - granted - most people Jo knew were all pretty bad at it. But he had extreme circumstances.
But then she stops, her brow furrowing slowly in confusion. ] What the hell does that mean?
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-12 04:06 am (UTC)What do you think it means? All those left over pieces get bottled up and sold off. I still-- [ He cuts himself off, suddenly reminded that there's some on the ship. Somewhere in Kurt's room. ] It makes it easy. It made me forget. It was a simple answer, Jo.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-12 01:36 pm (UTC)[ she sees the though there, but doesn't know what it's about. Crosses her arms over her chest and just stares at him. ]
It was an easy way out, you mean. [ because that's how she feels about drugs - cheap, easy ways out. And maybe it's a little hypocritical of her, but she doesn't like them. Won't ever like them, not really. But she won't judge the people who do. Not unless she needs to. ]
Look, Bells, let's head back to the main part of the ship. This place gives me the creeps.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-12 02:19 pm (UTC)Where are we gonna go? [ Since he doesn't have anywhere to go. ]
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-13 11:12 am (UTC)I don't know. Bar, my room. Hell we can go and sit in the gardens if you want, somewhere.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-13 03:44 pm (UTC)[ Even as he talks, he's walking to get on the lifts. ]
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-14 02:23 am (UTC)[ Jo's got work, but she can deal with that after she has Bells settled. Wherever- oh. Well then problem solved. ]
Sure. [ and Jo's right there with him, walking back and pressing the button for the lifts. ] You can stay however long you want. I've got work, though, so the room might be empty but yeah.
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-14 09:23 pm (UTC)ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-15 11:15 am (UTC)ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-15 03:46 pm (UTC)Okay. You'll, uh. You promise to come back?
ax | action;
Date: 2013-04-15 09:43 pm (UTC)Hey, I told you. I'm not going anywhere, okay? [ a beat, and then: ] I'll come back. I promise.
ax | action;
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