[ honestly, Bells' message about Dean had slipped her mind after that first day. It probably had a lot to do with how busy she'd been keeping, with more and more people coming by the bar, but there was also that passive part of her that wondered if it'd just pass. Or if Dean would actually come to her with his problems, rather than locking up defensively as soon as she asks. If she had more free time, maybe she would have talked herself into it. Into knocking on his door and asking what was wrong before he could even say anything.
But she doesn't. She works and she's busy and she actually forgets, to the point where she's wiping up the counter and she hears the door open and a part of her might have had deja vu, except with a different Winchester, if she didn't hear his voice.
Jo.
It's demanding alright, which means that Jo's automatically got her brow furrowed a little when she looks up, sees Dean standing there with that look. That 'I'm still pissed but making an effort' look and while she might have had something snarky to say to him, it falls away when she meets his eyes. And then it's just a matter of her straightening up, turning and setting the rag back down on the counter before looking back. ]
Hey. What's up?
[ Something's off, and she's reminded of Bells' conversation, about how something was off with Dean and he'd wondered if she knew what. By the end of this talk, she had a feeling she would, but for now... ]
[ 'i'm still pissed but making an effort' is about right. her casual answer does nothing to help either, because she should know, and-- well, maybe all of this is nothing grand to her, maybe she has her head screwed on right and unlike him, she sees how much this really isn't dean's business. but he can't shake the sense of being lied to here, even if that isn't really the case.
but then, nothing's ever easy. ]
Yeah, something's wrong.
[ it's angry, his tone taking an even further edge. how else is he supposed to go about this, anyway, if not with anger? he tells himself the anger comes from being left in the dark, and sure, it's partly the reason. and never mind finding out about it from freaking bells of all people--
[ the longer he's here, the more Jo starts to feel like this is going to go downhill. it was the same gut feeling she had last time they talked, here, but that time it had been her with an agenda and dean being blindsided by the talk. she figures she has about as much of an idea of what this is about as he did, then, and she suddenly realizes why he'd jumped to snapping so quickly.
she's getting closer and closer to doing just that. ]
Okay.
[ first step: admit somethings wrong. dean's at least said that much, which is a step, but she can't really say it's in the right direction. but jo makes an effort, turning to face him completely - resisting the urge to cross her arms over her chest.
have a frown for that one, dean, because now she's really confused. tell him about...bells hurting her? is that what he's talking about? ]
[ somewhere in the back of his mind dean knows how he's going about this is more than a little unfair. he could just spit it out, get his problem laid out bare for her to know, but there's... it's not right either, that she pretends like this, as if she has absolutely no idea what might be sitting wrong with him.
yet there's something genuine about the confusion on her face, something genuine enough to ruffle his non-existent feathers even further. ]
You know exactly what, Jo. Seriously, of all the people, I wasn't expectin' you to play dumb.
[ he wanted her to be straight with him, to just for once have someone be clear on these things. dean knows he's no poster child for talking either, not by a long shot, but after their talk about letting things that happened home stay home, he thought she might at least still let him know--
and fuck, none of his reasoning makes any sense, only that this whole thing sucks. ]
[ And her voice is getting more and more defensive, unable to keep her hands at her side any longer as she lets them cross in front of her. Granted, she's not exactly being honest, because she does have an idea about what he's talking about but she promised Bells she wouldn't say anything. Especially not to Dean. Not when he's already pissed - probably about that - but it confuses her why he's coming to her rather than Bells himself. ]
Listen, if this is about Bells-
[ And as soon as it leaves her mouth, she regrets saying it at all. There's no going back if this is really what has Dean so angry, and it's almost ironic that they could barely make it a more than a couple of weeks without ending up yelling at each other again. ]
[ for a second there dean thinks he's made a mistake, that oh shit, she really doesn't know was the truth all along. except then she goes and mentions bells, the same way he'd mentioned her and no, he's right, he is right. and act as annoyed as you want jo, it won't make him back off one bit. ]
How the hell is it an accident? [ he just doesn't get it. a one time thing can be an accident, can happen thanks to a night of too much drinking or purely out of simple need-- or whatever, but getting down to it and bells staying with her? not an accident. ]
I mean, I ain't one to judge for a one time thing, but it's damn clearly not, so-- [ he runs a frustrated hand through his hair then, trying to gather his words. ] You should have told me. [ and he's waving a hand before she can say anything, adding; ] And I know it's none of my business, Jo, but-- shit, I don't know, still could've mentioned it or something.
[ if she had, he could have gotten over it and whatever it is about this whole setup that bothers him so much in silence. ]
[ and of course, there's their push-push, where the more Dean won't stand down, the more Jo feels like she has to stand up.
how? how? Jo wonders how much Bells told him, if Dean's asking her how is it an accident. though it would make more sense, that way. that bells didn't actually explain anything, which is why Dean's asking her rather than going off of him. she just needs to play it down and possibly convince him to just let it sit. deal with it later. ]
Do I need to spell it out for you? He lost control and didn't know what he was doing. I just happened to find him at the wrong time. An accident.
[ but then she's confused, even more confused than before. nothing Dean is saying is making any sense, which just makes Jo even more angry because she doesn't get it. ]
What are you talking about? Of course it was a one time thing. Lor went home with the jump and he didn't- Why would I tell you? I knew as soon as it came up you'd blow up like this without thinking, and I don't need you thinking you have to protect me.
[ not appreciating your tone, jo, even if he's more than expected it when he'd barged in here with his own sunshine and rainbows mood. he's just about ready to snap something more at her, definitely not in the mood for excuses when what she says really sinks in. ]
What? [ his tone changes completely at that, catches an edge of shock-surprise as he stares at her. one sentence shakes up everything, leaves him deaf to whatever she says after that. and he doesn't understand, nothing's fitting anymore, nothing makes sense, but what he does know is that however it went down wasn't nice. yet here jo is, defending bells and this thing of theirs, calling it a one time thing despite how bells had said he's staying with her (sleeping with her).
he's stepping closer to her after that; one, two, three steps and while he doesn't reach out, his hands seem out of place at his sides, like he wants to. ]
...Are you okay?
[ and it damn well sounds like he has to protect her. but he won't say it, not right now. ]
He said it wasn't, and I just- I don't get it, Jo. Why would you still be gettin' it on with him after...
[ the slightest of gestures; after something like that. ]
[ the tone shift is what catches her first, the way it goes from on edge, on the attack, to near-shock. or...whatever it is, he has behind his voice. it's enough to catch her off-guard, looking back at him and realizing that there's something going on. some kind of missed comment, or maybe they're talking about something different altogether, and if Dean-
but then he's right in front of her, close enough to touch, and she's so confused and it doesn't help when asks her if she's okay, in that voice he gets when things are a lot more serious than he wants to acknowledge. it was the same tone he used when she first had her idea for the bomb - the Jo, no- and it deflates her, almost completely. ]
Yeah, I'm- [ she wants to end it there, or maybe continue, to talk over whatever it is he's trying to say to defend his outburst, but when he trails off something clicks. like a switch, in the back of her brain, and this whole interactions suddenly makes a lot more sense. ]
Wait, getting it...do you think Bells and I are having sex?
What do you mean think? He said you two are sleeping together. [ sort of, anyway. nobody just stays at someone's place, okay. it's taken him too long to accept that maybe, just maybe cas and seraphim aren't sleeping together, and that's only because cas is cas and seraphim is kinda young...
but neither of those same limitations apply to jo or bells, which is why it's more than assumable.
...right? because if not, well, shit. he searches her face for an answer before actually voicing his question, if only because he's been so sure and there's absolutely no way he's not right, is there? ]
[ oh god. oh god oh lord oh god. Jo watches Dean's face when she finally gets it, when it finally makes sense, and the way he looks just as confused and a little defensive...
Jo can't help but snort a little, which then turns into a sort of laugh. ]
Me? Sleeping with Bells? You're-
[ okay, actually, when she thinks about it she can see why Dean could have thought that. what with Bells' track record of saying things certain ways that can be taken so different and in the complete opposite direction. ] Did you really think that we- Oh my god, Dean, no.
I mean, he has this weird thing about personal space and sleeping in the same bed as someone, but we're not fucking. Bells has a boyfriend, Dean. He's not interested. Not that I am, either, but still. [ her laugh calms down a little, and now she's just grinning at Dean because wow. wow. ]
dean blinks again, and again. and while jo's story doesn't still make any sense, she's laughing at him and the idea of her sleeping with bells, which means... yeah, he'd been wrong. ]
But he said... [ that he was staying over at her place. right. dean steps back then, looking somewhere between still a little lost and well on his way to flustered. he doesn't do flustered though, not to its fullest, which leaves him snapping a little. ]
If you're not fucking and he has a goddamn boyfriend, why ain't he stayin' with him? [ explain that.
something does calm down in him though, is soothed over and quietened now that the truth is out. of course, it's hard to tell with how he still looks some ways from pleased. ]
And what the hell was that all about if not you two screwing?
You've known him longer than I have, you know how he can get with explaining things.
[ most of the tension and worry has left her, completely, replaced by the ridiculousness of this entire conversation. she can see how that got complicated - sharing a bed, sleeping together, etc - but it still amuses her that Dean would react that way to her sleeping with someone. sleeping with Bells.
even Dean's snapping can't put her in an off mood at this point. not yet, at least. ]
They're taking a break.
[ which is the nice way of putting 'Bells freaked and pulled the same shit with Kurt as he did with her, and Kurt's not used to violence'. but then the conversation turns in the exact direction she was scared of, and Jo sighs. if she tries not to tell him, things will only get worse. might as well get it out of the way. ]
You saw Bells after the jump, right? How screwed up he was? I kind of...ran into him near the pods. And he was worse.
[ alright, yeah, dean can't argue with that. half the time he's not sure what bells is going on about, and especially as of late with the whole lor going home thing hitting the guy pretty darn hard. it leaves him to realize his own mistake, how he'd let his imagination run miles ahead of him, which had then brought with it all the unwanted feelings he hadn't been able to shake for clarity until right now.
shit, he feels like a moron. ]
A break. [ right. relationship talk, dean's bad at it so he just...gives a nod as if reaffirming her words. his frustration fades then, once more replaced by that intense worry he usually directs at sam. but here, without his brother, jo's importance is number one, her safety and well-being. ]
Yeah. [ screwed up doesn't even begin to cover it. his next question is simple but fierce, something serious and so help him if you try to mince words here, jo. ]
[ Jo's just glad that whatever had Dean on edge is gone, and that they're back to...well. whatever kind of tone this conversation has taken. there seems to be something big and important hanging over both of their heads, but she can't really pinpoint what it is. not yet, at least. ]
Yeah, a break. [ again, she sighs, because she feels like she owes Dean for some reason. ] He kind of freaked out at Kurt the same way and...well. Now they're on a break.
[ Bells still loves him, though, so she's got hope they'll get back together. once she can get Bells off his ass and fixing things. but then there's Dean's protector voice and she thinks about shrugging it off before realizing it'll just lead to more issues and problems. ]
He grabbed me. He was freaking out and I got too close. [ she hates how she's making him sound like a scared animal, 'I approached too quickly and he reacted defensively, etc etc etc' but she doesn't know how else to explain it to Dean. ] It's- I'm fine. A little bruised, maybe, but nothing compared to- yeah.
[ oh bells. it's no secret that dean knows what it's like to lose someone important in this place, and even he has to admit that lor going home kinda sucks. the guy wasn't half bad for a fallen angel type, after all. but still, they don't get much of a say and it is what it is. not that he's going to tell bells that, but with him getting out of control like this-- hurting both jo and his boyfriend...
it ain't good.
it ain't good is an understatement for how deal feels about the whole thing right now though, and it's almost too easy to forget bells' pain when jo mentions being grabbed, mentions being bruised. and if she's trying to pass off being hurt like it's nothing, she has another thing coming. ]
He what? Why-- [ why didn't you tell me. ] You should've-- damn it, Jo. [ but it's not her he's angry with, not right now. ]
Fuckin' angels, I'm gonna break his fingers-- [ he looks about ready to go do that right now in fact. ]
[ shit. the look on Dean's face is exactly what she was worried about, and it feels like this entire situation is getting away from her. it's not even so much that she's downplaying what happened - which yeah, it was scary at the time, but she knew nothing would happen. even if bells was a little off and violent, she knew he wouldn't do anything.
and he was sorry - really, he was. jo believed him about that too. so seeing dean react the way he is makes her panic, because if he does something because of this then it really is her fault. ]
No, Dean, listen- I didn't tell you because I know you'd freak like this. Don't- hey. [ no, dean, no you are not leaving. jo reaches out and grabs his arm to make sure he doesn't walk off, not really mad but trying to get him to listen to her. there are so many things she wants to ask, mostly about what it is he thinks she should have done, why he's freaking out like this when bells was his friend first, but she doesn't think it'll help. knows it won't help. ] Don't be stupid; I knew what I was doing, okay? And I'm fine.
[ but he doesn't know. he doesn't trust bells, even if they do get along somewhat normally. but nobody lays a finger on her, especially not after what went down back home. and yeah, he knows she can handle herself (somewhat) would normally respect that (again, somewhat), but not when it comes to something like this.
when she reaches out though, he resists shaking off her hand in favor of turning back to her, but looks no less ready to stick around or calm down. ]
Don't give me that I'm fine bullshit. He could've hurt you, Jo. [ neither of them know what the guy is capable of. and maybe it's the spaceship, their situation, that forces them all to interact, to become allies much faster than they ever would back home, but her trust in bells could have gotten her hurt. ]
He could've hurt you more, and as much as his situation sucks, that won't fly. [ he needs to make sure bells gets that. ]
I'll give you whatever I want to give you because he didn't hurt me.
[ nevermind the hand-print bruises on her arms, or the way she had honestly seen her life flash before her eyes when she'd tried to help him. she'd gotten in that situation because she'd been stubborn, not because of Bells. but what she's saying isn't settling with Dean and it's frustrating her. frustrating her more than she wants to admit. and maybe it's because he has a point, somewhere along the line, but she doesn't want to see it. doesn't want to deal with it. ]
You don't have to protect me from anything, you know. I'm here and I'm fine and you're overreacting. [ and it's starting to make her angry, a little. not enough for her to get petty, yet. instead she just wants to keep him here long enough to calm him down, so he doesn't go and do anything stupid. ] I can take care of myself.
You got bruised, how the hell is that not hurting you? [ okay, so bruising in their line of work and general lives isn't much of a big deal. but they both know how fast it can go from bruising to someone getting their guts torn out. ]
Yeah? Apparently I do. [ because if he doesn't, if something like this happens again and he's not there... it's a thought he doesn't want to have, yet can't quite push away either. ] 'Cause if I don't, you get hurt and you don't even tell me about it. And fuck, did you ever think that maybe I wouldn't freak if you had? [ told him about it, that is. yeah, he flips out about these things, sure, but he still thinks she should have come to him, or rather, told him when she'd knocked on his door. it's... annoying as much as it's somewhat hurtful that she doesn't want to, like sam, and would rather lie to him about it.
never mind that he'd have done exactly the same thing. ]
Then prove it, 'cause I sure as hell ain't convinced.
Comparatively? [ because compared to having your entire side ripped open and your guts spilling out, not much hurts. and it's a horrible way of looking at things, especially since she's trying to avoid that same sort of fate, but she can't help it. ] Besides, how many times have you gotten in a fight? You can't tell me that you'd come and tell me about all of them.
And you know what? I don't have to tell you about anything. [ mostly because she knows how he'll react to ninety percent of what she does. how he'll tell her she's being reckless, or stupid, or childish. she's already been through this with him, already proved herself to him on multiple occasions, and now he wants to go and try to tell her off about it? ] No, I didn't. Because I knew you would. Like you are now.
[ some part of her is still hung up on the idea he came here because he thought she was sleeping with bells. that he was hurt because she didn't tell him that she was having sex. and maybe she could have found the humor in it when he did first get here, but now she's just getting mad. all over again. ]
What do you want me to do? [ if her voice is a little desperate, he doesn't have to mention it. ] Gut any guy who lays a hand on me? Maybe I should go after the ones that flirt with me too. Just to prove it to you that I can. Would that be enough?
That's different. [ he knows what he's doing, he's seen and been through so much more than her, has the skills to defend himself. yet, dean knows that's not entirely true or fair, and that she's more than capable-- she'd saved his ass after all, from the hellhound.
but look where that had gotten her, and all because she'd gotten involved with the wrong people. ]
Only 'cause you've been hidin' this since the goddamn jump, Jo. Sure, I wouldn't have exactly been happy, but shit, do I gotta find out everything this way?
[ while he's forgiven sam, to some extent, for all the lies his brother had thrown at him about ruby, dean doesn't want the same mess to form between him and jo. sure, there's no demon involved, but if she starts hiding every time someone hurts her, or if the ship gets its claws into her-- fuck, it could be bad. and they really don't need more bad in their lives.
the last bit has him shutting up for a moment though, something between further anger and torn. his voice is lower when he does speak, but none the less intense. ] I just want you to stay safe, for fuck's sake. [ isn't that obvious? he wants to shout at her, wants her to know how much he can't stand the idea of seeing her hurt... but he doesn't, forces the words back, like always. ]
You can tell me how it's not my job to make sure you're okay as much as you want, but it won't change the fact that I will be doin' everything I can to make sure this ship or its passengers don't get to you.
How? [ because it's not fair, that she can sit there and worry about what he's doing - if he's going to snap and go searching for Sam again, or if he's going to go off into the ship to save someone, if he's going to do something stupid and get himself killed - but never get a straight answer out of him, but the moment something happens to her, he should have known. should always know. ] We both know that's a lie. If I had come to you right after it happened, you would have stormed out and hunted down Bells right then and there. If I had my way, you wouldn't have found out at all.
[ that had been her plan, at least. to keep it from him for as long as she could, to hide her arms until the bruises disappeared. she isn't so much applying this to their relationship as a whole - isn't taking into account how many lies this might have produced, or what it would do to them, because it's just one event. it's just bells, dealing with extreme loss, and maybe she wants to help him because she wants to know there will be someone for her when she loses someone. if she loses someone. if she loses Dean.
god knows she would want to do a little more than just grab onto the first person to run into her if that ever happened. so she's forgiven Bells, never really was mad at him in the first place, but now that Dean's found out the entire situation has gotten so much more complicated. but then his voice lowers and some part of Jo feels guilty. a small part, maybe, but it's starting to eat at her. ]
It's not like I'm out looking for danger here, Dean. But that also doesn't mean I'm going to lock myself up in some room somewhere for the rest of my life. This is all I got, now. This ship and these passengers that you don't want to get to me are all I have. [ it's actually embarrassing, the way her voice shakes a little then, but this is playing into everything she's been trying to avoid. but the fight is mostly gone, and Jo's just starting to feel tired. tired of fighting, tired of yelling. ] And I know the only reason you're acting like this is because of some kind of obligation you feel to my mom - or whatever - but you don't have to. [ and maybe she's wrong, about that, but it's what it feels like. ] There's nothing to keep me safe for.
[ if i had my way, you wouldn't have found out at all.
dean's anger flares, but it's silent this time, a reality he has to deal with. there's a ring of mistrust in jo's words, one he wants to erase because she should be able to tell him these things. back home, before everything went to hell, he wouldn't have blamed her for keeping things. but here, in space hell things are different.
dangerously different. ]
Yeah, 'cause that's such a fantastic idea. You have any other secrets you don't want me to know about? [ woah, hello being unfair. but dean doesn't care, it's petty but he's so done with people keeping secrets from him, big or small. just look where it got cas.
but even despite that, he can tell how this is draining her, can see it on her face, hear it in the strain of her voice. and he hates it, if he's honest, all of his angry jealousy bitterness seems so not worth it when it means hearing her voice lose that angry edge. he doesn't need a reminder of how this is all she has, and in fact it should remind her of how easy it is to fuck things up here, for the ship to get her. keeping secrets only helps the tranquility along with that shit.
it isn't until she mentions him feeling obligated to ellen that he finally speaks again; ]
No. No, don't throw that at me, this has nothing to do with anything like that. [ it's both true and not. ellen would want him to keep her safe, but he also wants to do so himself because jo--
she means something to him. is the only one who does at this point. ]
I'm keeping you safe because I want to. [ a pause, strained-- ] Because I'm not losing you again, I fucking refuse to.
[ it's just not fair. not fair at all, that dean can do this and get away with it and make her feel like shit because of it. make her feel like it's her fault, when it's not. logically speaking, not telling dean was the right thing to do. she knows that, but at the same time...
no. no he won't change her mind with this. he won't. jo narrows her eyes at him at the question, because the hypocracy almost makes her laugh. almost makes her even more angry than she already is. does he hear himself, when he speaks? does he realize the things that he's saying? ]
I don't know Dean, is there anything else you don't know about?
[ and okay, that was pretty unfair too. she knows he's got his own issues with cas, and his future, and the whole secrets bit isn't the best way to gain his trust. but she's sick of him treating her like she's going to break. like the minute he turns his back the ship is going to come after her, break her open again and leave her bleeding out at his feet.
the image is more than she needs, and it echoes in that part of her she's been running from since she woke up here, but it's true. dean is treating her like some kind of glass reflection, like if he lets her do more than just look the part she'll never come back. and while she might know why, she also doesn't. doesn't know why he cares so much, why he's putting in all this effort, why he's getting so mad. it's one thing when he makes a promise to her mother, but her mother is dead. like she should be.
i'm not losing you again, i fucking refuse to.
those words ring in her head a second longer than they probably should, and for a moment she hesitates - almost lets herself believe something different before reminding herself that this is just dean. ]
No? Then why do you care so much? Why do you want to? [ because she has her own reasons. she knows why she'd jump back into that rat-infested genetics lab, why she'd follow him into the ship. she knows why she went after that hellhound and why she devised the bomb. she knows, but what she doesn't understand is his reasoning.
and she watches him for the answer, because she won't back down on this. won't let dean just shrug this off and walk out. if she had to grab him too, she will, because she has to know the answer. ]
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ax » action yayyyyyyy :D
Date: 2013-04-20 10:35 pm (UTC)But she doesn't. She works and she's busy and she actually forgets, to the point where she's wiping up the counter and she hears the door open and a part of her might have had deja vu, except with a different Winchester, if she didn't hear his voice.
Jo.
It's demanding alright, which means that Jo's automatically got her brow furrowed a little when she looks up, sees Dean standing there with that look. That 'I'm still pissed but making an effort' look and while she might have had something snarky to say to him, it falls away when she meets his eyes. And then it's just a matter of her straightening up, turning and setting the rag back down on the counter before looking back. ]
Hey. What's up?
[ Something's off, and she's reminded of Bells' conversation, about how something was off with Dean and he'd wondered if she knew what. By the end of this talk, she had a feeling she would, but for now... ]
Something wrong?
ax » action
Date: 2013-04-21 06:39 pm (UTC)but then, nothing's ever easy. ]
Yeah, something's wrong.
[ it's angry, his tone taking an even further edge. how else is he supposed to go about this, anyway, if not with anger? he tells himself the anger comes from being left in the dark, and sure, it's partly the reason. and never mind finding out about it from freaking bells of all people--
and why him to begin with? ]
Why didn't you tell me?
[ wow, vague. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-04-21 06:47 pm (UTC)she's getting closer and closer to doing just that. ]
Okay.
[ first step: admit somethings wrong. dean's at least said that much, which is a step, but she can't really say it's in the right direction. but jo makes an effort, turning to face him completely - resisting the urge to cross her arms over her chest.
have a frown for that one, dean, because now she's really confused. tell him about...bells hurting her? is that what he's talking about? ]
Tell you...what, exactly?
ax » action
Date: 2013-04-21 08:09 pm (UTC)yet there's something genuine about the confusion on her face, something genuine enough to ruffle his non-existent feathers even further. ]
You know exactly what, Jo. Seriously, of all the people, I wasn't expectin' you to play dumb.
[ he wanted her to be straight with him, to just for once have someone be clear on these things. dean knows he's no poster child for talking either, not by a long shot, but after their talk about letting things that happened home stay home, he thought she might at least still let him know--
and fuck, none of his reasoning makes any sense, only that this whole thing sucks. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-04-21 08:57 pm (UTC)[ And her voice is getting more and more defensive, unable to keep her hands at her side any longer as she lets them cross in front of her. Granted, she's not exactly being honest, because she does have an idea about what he's talking about but she promised Bells she wouldn't say anything. Especially not to Dean. Not when he's already pissed - probably about that - but it confuses her why he's coming to her rather than Bells himself. ]
Listen, if this is about Bells-
[ And as soon as it leaves her mouth, she regrets saying it at all. There's no going back if this is really what has Dean so angry, and it's almost ironic that they could barely make it a more than a couple of weeks without ending up yelling at each other again. ]
He didn't mean to, okay? it was an accident.
ax » action
Date: 2013-04-21 09:36 pm (UTC)How the hell is it an accident? [ he just doesn't get it. a one time thing can be an accident, can happen thanks to a night of too much drinking or purely out of simple need-- or whatever, but getting down to it and bells staying with her? not an accident. ]
I mean, I ain't one to judge for a one time thing, but it's damn clearly not, so-- [ he runs a frustrated hand through his hair then, trying to gather his words. ] You should have told me. [ and he's waving a hand before she can say anything, adding; ] And I know it's none of my business, Jo, but-- shit, I don't know, still could've mentioned it or something.
[ if she had, he could have gotten over it and whatever it is about this whole setup that bothers him so much in silence. ]
ax » action
Date: 2013-04-21 10:06 pm (UTC)how? how? Jo wonders how much Bells told him, if Dean's asking her how is it an accident. though it would make more sense, that way. that bells didn't actually explain anything, which is why Dean's asking her rather than going off of him. she just needs to play it down and possibly convince him to just let it sit. deal with it later. ]
Do I need to spell it out for you? He lost control and didn't know what he was doing. I just happened to find him at the wrong time. An accident.
[ but then she's confused, even more confused than before. nothing Dean is saying is making any sense, which just makes Jo even more angry because she doesn't get it. ]
What are you talking about? Of course it was a one time thing. Lor went home with the jump and he didn't- Why would I tell you? I knew as soon as it came up you'd blow up like this without thinking, and I don't need you thinking you have to protect me.
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Date: 2013-04-21 11:27 pm (UTC)What? [ his tone changes completely at that, catches an edge of shock-surprise as he stares at her. one sentence shakes up everything, leaves him deaf to whatever she says after that. and he doesn't understand, nothing's fitting anymore, nothing makes sense, but what he does know is that however it went down wasn't nice. yet here jo is, defending bells and this thing of theirs, calling it a one time thing despite how bells had said he's staying with her (sleeping with her).
he's stepping closer to her after that; one, two, three steps and while he doesn't reach out, his hands seem out of place at his sides, like he wants to. ]
...Are you okay?
[ and it damn well sounds like he has to protect her. but he won't say it, not right now. ]
He said it wasn't, and I just- I don't get it, Jo. Why would you still be gettin' it on with him after...
[ the slightest of gestures; after something like that. ]
ax » action OH THANK GOD FINALLY
Date: 2013-04-21 11:45 pm (UTC)but then he's right in front of her, close enough to touch, and she's so confused and it doesn't help when asks her if she's okay, in that voice he gets when things are a lot more serious than he wants to acknowledge. it was the same tone he used when she first had her idea for the bomb - the Jo, no- and it deflates her, almost completely. ]
Yeah, I'm- [ she wants to end it there, or maybe continue, to talk over whatever it is he's trying to say to defend his outburst, but when he trails off something clicks. like a switch, in the back of her brain, and this whole interactions suddenly makes a lot more sense. ]
Wait, getting it...do you think Bells and I are having sex?
ax » action RIGHT SWEET LORD
Date: 2013-04-21 11:56 pm (UTC)What do you mean think? He said you two are sleeping together. [ sort of, anyway. nobody just stays at someone's place, okay. it's taken him too long to accept that maybe, just maybe cas and seraphim aren't sleeping together, and that's only because cas is cas and seraphim is kinda young...
but neither of those same limitations apply to jo or bells, which is why it's more than assumable.
...right? because if not, well, shit. he searches her face for an answer before actually voicing his question, if only because he's been so sure and there's absolutely no way he's not right, is there? ]
You two are sleeping together, right?
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Date: 2013-04-22 12:06 am (UTC)Jo can't help but snort a little, which then turns into a sort of laugh. ]
Me? Sleeping with Bells? You're-
[ okay, actually, when she thinks about it she can see why Dean could have thought that. what with Bells' track record of saying things certain ways that can be taken so different and in the complete opposite direction. ] Did you really think that we- Oh my god, Dean, no.
I mean, he has this weird thing about personal space and sleeping in the same bed as someone, but we're not fucking. Bells has a boyfriend, Dean. He's not interested. Not that I am, either, but still. [ her laugh calms down a little, and now she's just grinning at Dean because wow. wow. ]
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Date: 2013-04-22 12:22 am (UTC)dean blinks again, and again. and while jo's story doesn't still make any sense, she's laughing at him and the idea of her sleeping with bells, which means... yeah, he'd been wrong. ]
But he said... [ that he was staying over at her place. right. dean steps back then, looking somewhere between still a little lost and well on his way to flustered. he doesn't do flustered though, not to its fullest, which leaves him snapping a little. ]
If you're not fucking and he has a goddamn boyfriend, why ain't he stayin' with him? [ explain that.
something does calm down in him though, is soothed over and quietened now that the truth is out. of course, it's hard to tell with how he still looks some ways from pleased. ]
And what the hell was that all about if not you two screwing?
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Date: 2013-04-22 12:29 am (UTC)[ most of the tension and worry has left her, completely, replaced by the ridiculousness of this entire conversation. she can see how that got complicated - sharing a bed, sleeping together, etc - but it still amuses her that Dean would react that way to her sleeping with someone. sleeping with Bells.
even Dean's snapping can't put her in an off mood at this point. not yet, at least. ]
They're taking a break.
[ which is the nice way of putting 'Bells freaked and pulled the same shit with Kurt as he did with her, and Kurt's not used to violence'. but then the conversation turns in the exact direction she was scared of, and Jo sighs. if she tries not to tell him, things will only get worse. might as well get it out of the way. ]
You saw Bells after the jump, right? How screwed up he was? I kind of...ran into him near the pods. And he was worse.
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Date: 2013-04-22 04:22 am (UTC)shit, he feels like a moron. ]
A break. [ right. relationship talk, dean's bad at it so he just...gives a nod as if reaffirming her words. his frustration fades then, once more replaced by that intense worry he usually directs at sam. but here, without his brother, jo's importance is number one, her safety and well-being. ]
Yeah. [ screwed up doesn't even begin to cover it. his next question is simple but fierce, something serious and so help him if you try to mince words here, jo. ]
What did he do?
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Date: 2013-04-22 09:04 am (UTC)Yeah, a break. [ again, she sighs, because she feels like she owes Dean for some reason. ] He kind of freaked out at Kurt the same way and...well. Now they're on a break.
[ Bells still loves him, though, so she's got hope they'll get back together. once she can get Bells off his ass and fixing things. but then there's Dean's protector voice and she thinks about shrugging it off before realizing it'll just lead to more issues and problems. ]
He grabbed me. He was freaking out and I got too close. [ she hates how she's making him sound like a scared animal, 'I approached too quickly and he reacted defensively, etc etc etc' but she doesn't know how else to explain it to Dean. ] It's- I'm fine. A little bruised, maybe, but nothing compared to- yeah.
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Date: 2013-04-24 06:11 pm (UTC)it ain't good.
it ain't good is an understatement for how deal feels about the whole thing right now though, and it's almost too easy to forget bells' pain when jo mentions being grabbed, mentions being bruised. and if she's trying to pass off being hurt like it's nothing, she has another thing coming. ]
He what? Why-- [ why didn't you tell me. ] You should've-- damn it, Jo. [ but it's not her he's angry with, not right now. ]
Fuckin' angels, I'm gonna break his fingers-- [ he looks about ready to go do that right now in fact. ]
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Date: 2013-04-24 08:25 pm (UTC)and he was sorry - really, he was. jo believed him about that too. so seeing dean react the way he is makes her panic, because if he does something because of this then it really is her fault. ]
No, Dean, listen- I didn't tell you because I know you'd freak like this. Don't- hey. [ no, dean, no you are not leaving. jo reaches out and grabs his arm to make sure he doesn't walk off, not really mad but trying to get him to listen to her. there are so many things she wants to ask, mostly about what it is he thinks she should have done, why he's freaking out like this when bells was his friend first, but she doesn't think it'll help. knows it won't help. ] Don't be stupid; I knew what I was doing, okay? And I'm fine.
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Date: 2013-04-27 05:51 am (UTC)when she reaches out though, he resists shaking off her hand in favor of turning back to her, but looks no less ready to stick around or calm down. ]
Don't give me that I'm fine bullshit. He could've hurt you, Jo. [ neither of them know what the guy is capable of. and maybe it's the spaceship, their situation, that forces them all to interact, to become allies much faster than they ever would back home, but her trust in bells could have gotten her hurt. ]
He could've hurt you more, and as much as his situation sucks, that won't fly. [ he needs to make sure bells gets that. ]
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Date: 2013-04-27 12:29 pm (UTC)[ nevermind the hand-print bruises on her arms, or the way she had honestly seen her life flash before her eyes when she'd tried to help him. she'd gotten in that situation because she'd been stubborn, not because of Bells. but what she's saying isn't settling with Dean and it's frustrating her. frustrating her more than she wants to admit. and maybe it's because he has a point, somewhere along the line, but she doesn't want to see it. doesn't want to deal with it. ]
You don't have to protect me from anything, you know. I'm here and I'm fine and you're overreacting. [ and it's starting to make her angry, a little. not enough for her to get petty, yet. instead she just wants to keep him here long enough to calm him down, so he doesn't go and do anything stupid. ] I can take care of myself.
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Date: 2013-04-28 11:00 pm (UTC)Yeah? Apparently I do. [ because if he doesn't, if something like this happens again and he's not there... it's a thought he doesn't want to have, yet can't quite push away either. ] 'Cause if I don't, you get hurt and you don't even tell me about it. And fuck, did you ever think that maybe I wouldn't freak if you had? [ told him about it, that is. yeah, he flips out about these things, sure, but he still thinks she should have come to him, or rather, told him when she'd knocked on his door. it's... annoying as much as it's somewhat hurtful that she doesn't want to, like sam, and would rather lie to him about it.
never mind that he'd have done exactly the same thing. ]
Then prove it, 'cause I sure as hell ain't convinced.
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Date: 2013-04-28 11:48 pm (UTC)And you know what? I don't have to tell you about anything. [ mostly because she knows how he'll react to ninety percent of what she does. how he'll tell her she's being reckless, or stupid, or childish. she's already been through this with him, already proved herself to him on multiple occasions, and now he wants to go and try to tell her off about it? ] No, I didn't. Because I knew you would. Like you are now.
[ some part of her is still hung up on the idea he came here because he thought she was sleeping with bells. that he was hurt because she didn't tell him that she was having sex. and maybe she could have found the humor in it when he did first get here, but now she's just getting mad. all over again. ]
What do you want me to do? [ if her voice is a little desperate, he doesn't have to mention it. ] Gut any guy who lays a hand on me? Maybe I should go after the ones that flirt with me too. Just to prove it to you that I can. Would that be enough?
ax » action that's always the most fitting icon
Date: 2013-05-03 08:14 pm (UTC)but look where that had gotten her, and all because she'd gotten involved with the wrong people. ]
Only 'cause you've been hidin' this since the goddamn jump, Jo. Sure, I wouldn't have exactly been happy, but shit, do I gotta find out everything this way?
[ while he's forgiven sam, to some extent, for all the lies his brother had thrown at him about ruby, dean doesn't want the same mess to form between him and jo. sure, there's no demon involved, but if she starts hiding every time someone hurts her, or if the ship gets its claws into her-- fuck, it could be bad. and they really don't need more bad in their lives.
the last bit has him shutting up for a moment though, something between further anger and torn. his voice is lower when he does speak, but none the less intense. ] I just want you to stay safe, for fuck's sake. [ isn't that obvious? he wants to shout at her, wants her to know how much he can't stand the idea of seeing her hurt... but he doesn't, forces the words back, like always. ]
You can tell me how it's not my job to make sure you're okay as much as you want, but it won't change the fact that I will be doin' everything I can to make sure this ship or its passengers don't get to you.
[ and that's it. ]
ax » action i know right
Date: 2013-05-03 09:59 pm (UTC)[ that had been her plan, at least. to keep it from him for as long as she could, to hide her arms until the bruises disappeared. she isn't so much applying this to their relationship as a whole - isn't taking into account how many lies this might have produced, or what it would do to them, because it's just one event. it's just bells, dealing with extreme loss, and maybe she wants to help him because she wants to know there will be someone for her when she loses someone. if she loses someone. if she loses Dean.
god knows she would want to do a little more than just grab onto the first person to run into her if that ever happened. so she's forgiven Bells, never really was mad at him in the first place, but now that Dean's found out the entire situation has gotten so much more complicated. but then his voice lowers and some part of Jo feels guilty. a small part, maybe, but it's starting to eat at her. ]
It's not like I'm out looking for danger here, Dean. But that also doesn't mean I'm going to lock myself up in some room somewhere for the rest of my life. This is all I got, now. This ship and these passengers that you don't want to get to me are all I have. [ it's actually embarrassing, the way her voice shakes a little then, but this is playing into everything she's been trying to avoid. but the fight is mostly gone, and Jo's just starting to feel tired. tired of fighting, tired of yelling. ] And I know the only reason you're acting like this is because of some kind of obligation you feel to my mom - or whatever - but you don't have to. [ and maybe she's wrong, about that, but it's what it feels like. ] There's nothing to keep me safe for.
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Date: 2013-05-06 09:16 pm (UTC)dean's anger flares, but it's silent this time, a reality he has to deal with. there's a ring of mistrust in jo's words, one he wants to erase because she should be able to tell him these things. back home, before everything went to hell, he wouldn't have blamed her for keeping things. but here, in space hell things are different.
dangerously different. ]
Yeah, 'cause that's such a fantastic idea. You have any other secrets you don't want me to know about? [ woah, hello being unfair. but dean doesn't care, it's petty but he's so done with people keeping secrets from him, big or small. just look where it got cas.
but even despite that, he can tell how this is draining her, can see it on her face, hear it in the strain of her voice. and he hates it, if he's honest, all of his angry
jealousybitterness seems so not worth it when it means hearing her voice lose that angry edge. he doesn't need a reminder of how this is all she has, and in fact it should remind her of how easy it is to fuck things up here, for the ship to get her. keeping secrets only helps the tranquility along with that shit.it isn't until she mentions him feeling obligated to ellen that he finally speaks again; ]
No. No, don't throw that at me, this has nothing to do with anything like that. [ it's both true and not. ellen would want him to keep her safe, but he also wants to do so himself because jo--
she means something to him. is the only one who does at this point. ]
I'm keeping you safe because I want to. [ a pause, strained-- ] Because I'm not losing you again, I fucking refuse to.
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Date: 2013-05-06 09:49 pm (UTC)no. no he won't change her mind with this. he won't. jo narrows her eyes at him at the question, because the hypocracy almost makes her laugh. almost makes her even more angry than she already is. does he hear himself, when he speaks? does he realize the things that he's saying? ]
I don't know Dean, is there anything else you don't know about?
[ and okay, that was pretty unfair too. she knows he's got his own issues with cas, and his future, and the whole secrets bit isn't the best way to gain his trust. but she's sick of him treating her like she's going to break. like the minute he turns his back the ship is going to come after her, break her open again and leave her bleeding out at his feet.
the image is more than she needs, and it echoes in that part of her she's been running from since she woke up here, but it's true. dean is treating her like some kind of glass reflection, like if he lets her do more than just look the part she'll never come back. and while she might know why, she also doesn't. doesn't know why he cares so much, why he's putting in all this effort, why he's getting so mad. it's one thing when he makes a promise to her mother, but her mother is dead. like she should be.
i'm not losing you again, i fucking refuse to.
those words ring in her head a second longer than they probably should, and for a moment she hesitates - almost lets herself believe something different before reminding herself that this is just dean. ]
No? Then why do you care so much? Why do you want to? [ because she has her own reasons. she knows why she'd jump back into that rat-infested genetics lab, why she'd follow him into the ship. she knows why she went after that hellhound and why she devised the bomb. she knows, but what she doesn't understand is his reasoning.
and she watches him for the answer, because she won't back down on this. won't let dean just shrug this off and walk out. if she had to grab him too, she will, because she has to know the answer. ]